Joke...

[ZK-MAT]

I have pinched this off the NZ Battlefield Forums as I thought it was appropriate:

OK, so Bill Gates dies, right? yay. anyway, he's floating in limbo talking to Death about his options in the afterlife, and Death agrees to show him around to get the feel of the place. "Although," Death states, "You'll have to choose one place to spend the rest of eternity in, we're going to give you a choice"
"That's not how it's usually done, is it? asks Bill.
"No." says Death, "but you have done a lot of good things in your life, like opening up a whole new way for the people of your world to communicate and inter-relate, your charities... good things. but windows 98 was inexcusable. and there are some who believe you should burn in hell forever for it."
"but i could choose heaven if i wished?" asks bill.
"yes, but i will show you them both first, and then you can decide." says Death

Heaven, as it turns out, is nice... just... nice. people standing around chatting, playing music, ...heaven stuff. and bill thinks, "yeah, this is... nice. it could be a ...nice place to spend eternity. but he's not sure. he asks Death to show him hell. he might as well have a look...

"Now this is a little more like it!" says bill as he eases into the jacuzzi between the beautiful women. rock and roll is blaring through a monster sound system, naked women everywhere to cater for his every need, demons bringing him everthing he desires. "I like this a lot!"
"so this is where you'll spend eternity then?" asks Death.
"this is a lot more fun than heaven - everything i'll ever want or need at my fingertips, this is heaven! i'll stay here!"
"so be it," says Death "I'll come back in a couple of weeks to see how you're getting on". and with that he leaves bill to enjoy hell.

a couple of weeks later, Death returns to see how Bill is getting on with hell. he finds him hanging upside-down over of a cauldron of boiling oil with demons surrounding him, ripping and tearing at his flesh.
"how are you enjoying eternity in hell, bill?" says Death, "everthing to your liking?"
"No!" screams bill. "this is all wrong, i've been conned! i've been subjected to every torture known to man for the last two weeks, and a few unknown ones too!"
"yes, they can be a bit creative like that sometimes." says Death smiling (he always smiles - it's his beautiful bone structure..)
"but this isn't what i wanted," cries bill, "it was supposed to be women and beer and rock'n'roll!"
"ah, yes," says Death...















"...that was just the demo."

[Zöltuger]

just as well i haven't pre-ordered FSX yet then

[ardypilot]

[Jimmy]

HAHAHAHAHAHA

[ardypilot]

Heres another one:

Fear of bombs on planes
Aunt Bessie loved to visit her nieces and nephews. However, she had relatives all over the country.

The problem was that no matter how much she enjoyed seeing them, she hated flying. No matter how safe people told her it was, she was always worried that someone would have a bomb on the plane.

She read books about how safe it was and listened to the stewardess demonstrate all the safety features. But she still worried herself silly every time a visit was coming up.

Finally, the family decided that maybe if she saw the statistics she'd be convinced. So they sent her to a friend of the family who was an actuary.

"Tell me," she said suspiciously, "what are the chances that someone will have a bomb on a plane?"

The actuary looked through his tables and said, "A very small chance. Maybe one in five hundred thousand."

She nodded, then thought for a moment. "So what are the odds of two people having a bomb on the same plane?"

Again he went through his tables.

"Extremely remote," he said. "About one in a billion."

Aunt Bessie nodded and left his office.

And from that day on, every time she flew, she took a bomb with her.

[Alex]

Hahaha, thats a good one!

Alex

[ZK-Brock]

Trolly, thats class mate!